


Was there a lifetime waiting for us, in a world where I was yours?

by covacola



Series: PSRT Songfics [4]
Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Does Noct take the leap?? Does he just cry abt it??? Who knows, Emotional Hurt, Hurt, M/M, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-10
Updated: 2020-06-10
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:35:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24643432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/covacola/pseuds/covacola
Summary: yep. a songfic for that ben&ben song. it's good and sad don't @ me.noctis has already accepted that anything between them is impossible. who can blame a broken heart for hoping?
Relationships: Gladiolus Amicitia/Prompto Argentum/Noctis Lucis Caelum/Ignis Scientia
Series: PSRT Songfics [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2146671
Comments: 2
Kudos: 8





	Was there a lifetime waiting for us, in a world where I was yours?

**Author's Note:**

> pls give the song a listen, ["Lifetime - Ben & Ben](https://youtu.be/oxsY8GvoQQE>)

_Was there a lifetime waiting for us_

_In a world where I was yours?_

Days spent wasting time were some of the best days of his life. Screwing around in class, hanging out in places you weren't supposed to be able to get to on campus. Sharing meals together, childhood mornings, snuggled up closer than was perhaps strictly necessary. Trading insults that were more affectionate than hurtful, just being there in moments of mutually understood silence. 

Rainy days imprint more in his memory than they wash away. Melancholy days where he couldn't hold on to every sensation, but tried all the same. Reluctant to move forward from precious moments he could sense would be few and fewer moving on. A dramatic backdrop, the memories of them remain crisp against it-- all of his senses bent on making sure every one of these could pull him back to this time.

And the little distracting fantasies of what might be, if he'd only reached over and taken a hand in his.

_Paper planes and porcelain_

_Smell of rain through the window pane_

_And the sight of you_

_Oh, you were a good dream_

So fine, these threads connecting them. So ingrained into their destinies, their birthrights, their very souls. Impenetrable, unyielding, like chains around his neck-- a ring a finger off, precisely where it's supposed to be. Nothing could turn them from this path, yet everything threatened to destroy them all the same.

And yet was the safety worth it? All the withheld words, ignored glances, the painful space between? And was it worth never truly knowing, even if your heart knew the truth? The torment, that special hell that was wondering why he _shouldn't_ just close the distance, taste those lips with his own? 

_I was scared to lose you then_

_But secrets turn into regrets_

_Buried feelings grow_

_Oh, you were a good dream_

  
  


_Was there a lifetime waiting for us_

_In a world where I was yours?_

Was there another time and place, a parallel timeline in which things were different? Where he could hold hands freely, not feel a slight emptiness when he stopped laughing?

_Was it the wrong time, what if we tried_

_Giving in a little more?_

_To the warmth we had before_

Could it really be so simple as taking a little risk, one he knew was no risk at all? If only so he could know, one way or another, if that smile he'd read had been what he thought it had, if he could spend the rest of his nights snuggled closer. 

How many shades could take your breath away? Was it possible to be captivated by an entire spectrum? Rich browns, bright lilacs, and deep, deep greens-- the colors of love and guilt. The colors of loss, but also of disobedient hope. 

_Tangled with another's eyes_

_Never mind, you were never mine_

_Glimpse of me and you_

_Oh, you were a good dream_

  
  


_Was there a lifetime waiting for us_

_In a world where I was yours?_

Reflections are often unsettling, staring into a truth of what is, rather than what you might wish it to seem. Avoiding worried looks in the reflections of side views, dressing room mirrors, and classroom windows.

_Was it the wrong time, what if we tried_

_Giving in a little more?_

What was the point of acknowledging something, if you know ignoring it will cause the least amount of pain in the end? Even if your heart quietly screamed, crying out in a voice hoarse from years of yearning, to reciprocate those tiniest of moves. Because in the end, he knew what his life would turn out to be, even though he didn't. 

_I'd spend a lifetime waiting in vain_

_Just to go back to the way we were before_

_Was it the wrong time, what if we tried_

_Giving in a little more?_

_To the warmth we had before_

If only he could be promised, be assured that, in the next life, he'd get to do it all again. Just so he could know he could still savor these moments again. Before things began to hurt too much to process so intimately, so stubbornly as he had back then.

If only he could be assured, if not in this life, but some life after, he wouldn't be doomed to make these mistakes again. To forsake the tiniest of things he treasured, to be allowed to reach out in kind. To be allowed to reach out at all. 

_Is there a lifetime waiting for us?_

Just a daydream, really. A private fantasy. 

Because, in truth, he already knew he was doomed to make these mistakes. To slip up, to give in. To tangle the fine, unyielding threads that tied together their lives-- that choked him, cut him deep inside. 

_All this time, I have been yours._

**Author's Note:**

> I actually liked some of my prose.... Other bits were kinda garbage tho sorry I keep forgetting what concepts have english words and which ones don't sjdkakjds


End file.
